


Lost//Found

by natura_non_facit_saltus



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Lena Luthor Knows Kara Danvers Is Supergirl, SuperCorp, dont worry it has a good ending, kara has amnesia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-23
Updated: 2020-10-23
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:28:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 22,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27166603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/natura_non_facit_saltus/pseuds/natura_non_facit_saltus
Summary: It had been six months.Six months since the red caped sunshine flew through the skies of National City for the last time.Six months since Supergirl was defeated and had to leave Earth.Six months since her friends and family mourned her like she was dead.There was no chance of survival for her on Earth. It shouldn't have been possible to come back.And yet, on that fateful day a pod from outer space lands at the DEO.What they don't know is that the blonde Kryptonian that emerges from the spaceship does not remember anything or anyone.Not even this beautiful green eyed woman who she can't help but feel drawn to.or,Kara suffers severe amnesia and has to find back to her life on Earth.
Relationships: Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Comments: 19
Kudos: 460





	Lost//Found

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you guys enjoy this one shot!  
> Also, fair warning, I'm in no way a medical expert and my knowledge on planets in the DC universe is limited, so pls take what I write with a grain of salt. :)

(Kara's suit is edited and was shared on reddit by user Al-Sah-Him98. If it belongs to you let me know so I can give you credit.)

It had been six months.

Six months since the red caped sunshine flew through the skies of National City for the last time.

Six months since Supergirl was defeated and had to leave Earth.

Six months since her friends and family mourned her like she was dead.

Lillian had achieved what she had sworn to do. After Lex had failed his mission of erasing Kryptonian life from earth, she took his last wish and fulfilled it. Even if it only meant one Kryptonian instead of two. Kal El was not on earth when the skies were contaminated with Green Kryptonite and an army of advanced Lexosuits made hunt for Supergirl. The Superhero fought tirelessly against them in an impressive display of strength and courage but not even her Anti Kryptonite suit could withstand the damage she suffered for too long.

The Girl of Steel was dying and had to leave earth forever. There was no choice. She had suffered too many injuries. She was too weak, her body too broken.

At least in the end, Lillian was taken down, but to her own surprise, not by an alien or a superhero but _humans_. Humans who had finally enough of hate and tyranny in a world that already was filled with parasites hidden underneath the mask of grace and generosity. Eventually, National City found itself back on its feet and shrugged off its coat of affliction. Because like all things, human societies needed time. Time and patience. That took years and years even then the scars would linger. A reminder of past mistakes, past victories against evil.

Life carried on, but Kara's absence was felt in every corner, every street. There was a certain melancholy in the air, suffocating everyone that breathed it in. And while it could have been reason enough for people to lose hope and give in to fear and desperation, it never happened. They didn't fall apart.

The Paragon of Hope was gone, far away somewhere no one could reach her but _hope_ , hope never left the citizens of National City. They held on to it tighter than ever, for _her_ , for them. They swore themselves to follow her example and be the best version of themselves. Hope, help, and compassion for all. They reminded themselves of it every time they were at the edge of despair. Supergirl was gone but her spirit lived on. _Forever_.

Her family took her departure the hardest of course. Alex hadn't been the same ever since her sister left. She was am empty shell of a former being. She didn't smile, didn't laugh, didn't sleep. The only constant thing in her life was her job as Director of Operations. She threw herself into work, staying most of her days there, never abandoning her duties and reforming the DEO into what it was always meant to be: a place of safety and protection. She rarely went to her apartment, only when Kelly quite literally begged her to come home and eat dinner. She never finished a whole meal but at least she tried. For Kelly that was still progress. Any try, any effort was better than nothing. But truth be told, if it hadn't been for Kelly and the Superfriends, Alex didn't know where she would have been right now. They were the only thing keeping her sane in her otherwise hollow life. Everything was...pointless.

It hurt too much. Her sister was gone. Her little sister was gone and could never return. Even after six months she still had nightmares. _Every_ single night. Of Kara in that pod, unconscious and with bloody wounds decorating her body. Sometimes the redhead dreamed of Kara never reaching her destination, of being knocked of course, landing God knows where. It drove Alex crazy. Not knowing where she was, if she was alive. She still remembered and _felt_ touching Kara's pale, blood stained face for one last time. How cold it was. How _lifeless_. Alex didn't look at her own hand anymore. If possible, she avoided using it altogether. It was a reminder. A too painful reminder. Her sister was gone forever...

The others didn't take it much lighter. J'onn, who was like a father figure to Kara, couldn't pretend he was doing fine either. He was devastated, becoming more reserved than ever. Not many words left the Green Martian anymore, sometimes he would stare at the some spot for hours without moving or even blinking. But within that detached reality, J'onn could deal with the situation better than the others. He was used to loss after all. To _pain_. Consequently, the Martian was always there for all of them, for _Alex_ most importantly. Sometimes he would come by just to sit next to her and let her cry on his shoulder for hours. On her better days, he knew the right words to soothe the pain, even if it was just temporary. Alex and J'onn knew Kara the longest, their pain reached depths that no one could truly understand, not even Brainy or Nia who loved Kara like a sister.

And then there was the woman that it lost all on that fateful night. Truly. _All_. She lost her one and only family. Her best friend. Her soulmate. The only being on this planet that loved her unconditionally, wholly, absolutely, and maybe even loved her more than her own Kryptonian self. She lost the one person that grounded her, supported her and never, _ever_ gave up on her. The one that risked it all for her, who put her life and the life of the whole world on the line. Just for her. For a _Luthor_.

Lena lost Kara. Not Supergirl. Not Kara Danvers. Not Kara Zor-El. But Kara. Just _Kara_.

She lost the love of her life. And nothing could ever fill that hole in her heart again. Nothing could ease the pain, nothing could bring Lena back to life again. She was dead. She was a walking corpse. No one knew these days what she was up to. The Superfriends tried, they really did try to be there for her. But she didn't let them. No one. She closed herself off, completely, didn't allow anyone to visit her, talk to her, text her, call her.

L-Corp was still there, but _she_ wasn't. Not really at least. No one ever saw her walk out of her office. And when she did, it was too late, when everyone else was long gone. Lena Luthor became the ghost of National City. No one ever saw her. No one. Not even her own mirror.

Alex understood more than anyone what she was going through and respected her wish to be left alone but still, she wanted the youngest Luthor to know she was there for her. That she could come to Alex, that they could cry together. But she got it. She really did. What Kara and Lena had was nothing out of this world. Their bond was sacred. She finally understood it, too late admittedly, but she understood it the day Kara left. It all made sense. Why Kara defended her since day one, why she risked her identity, her _life_. Why she chose Lena and not the world. Every. Single. Time.

So Alex let Lena grieve in her own way. She knew she couldn't console the broken heart of a woman that had lost more than just a best friend, more than anyone could ever really grasp. Lena could deal with the abuse, trauma, betrayal and abandonment she faced from a young age but this? No. No one could have prepared her for this. Nothing could top this. Losing Kara had always been her worst nightmare.

When Lena received the message that a pod from outer space was about to enter the earth's atmosphere, she didn't care. Another world domination attempt she thought, _big deal_. She didn't care. Nothing could make her care nowadays. She still held true to her mission to make the world a better place but whatever the DEO needed, they already had. They had full access to her projects. They didn't need her. And she wasn't going to leave her office to see what it was that decided to visit the earth. She wasn't selfish, she was just tired.

No one held it against her and she was thankful for that. They didn't push her. They let her be. And despite the fact that Lena didn't actively work with them anymore, she still got regular updates about whatever was going on at the DEO. She read those messages, she had to of course. But it would be a lie to say that she ever really got worried. She had already lost everything. Literally.

This is why it was a huge surprise to her when Alex came through with a private message. They all had stopped reaching out after the first two months. They gave up, Lena never answered. Why would she now?

_"Lena, I know you don't want to see any of us but please. You should come._

_Whoever or whatever is in that pod is landing at the DEO in less than twenty minutes._

_And I know it's a long shot and I shouldn't get my hopes up but what if it is someone from Mogo,_

_someone with a message?_

_Please. We need you here. I need you here. I can't do this on my own."_

Lena left the second she read the message. With tears blurring her vision, she practically ran out of her office, not caring if anyone saw her. There was a good chance that what Alex said wasn't true or at least wouldn't be true in their case. It could have been anyone from any planet that decided to visit for God knows what reason. But if there was even a slight chance that the pod did come from Mogo, she'd be damned to not go and see with her own eyes what was going on. Kara may have not been able to live on earth anymore but Lena needed to know if she was okay at her _new_ home.

The one thing she couldn't get out of her head was what if there was a way to communicate with the Kryptonian? It had been too long. Six fucking months in absolute silence, Lena needed something, anything. This could be her sign.

Her conscious caught up with her by the time she entered her car. Lena's hands were shaking against the steering wheel. Screaming and crying filled her ears. The moments leading up to Kara's departure forced themselves into her mind and didn't let go of her. Every emotion she went through in those last minutes came back to her in waves. The agony, the fucking pain she felt just by looking at Kara's broken body. Lena couldn't even tell her goodbye. She never got to tell her that she was the love of her life either. There were no last words.

She couldn't do this. She couldn't relive the trauma. Not again. Not when she had been doing it for the past 183 days already. There was a reason she isolated herself completely from everyone.

_"I need you here. I can't do this on my own."_

_But Alex' words kept playing over and over in front of her eyes. Even with her eyes tightly shut, she still could see them. Her body was freezing cold, there was too much crashing down on her. Her car was still parked motionless and yet it felt like she was on a roller coaster. For so many months Lena lived in the past to the point where it had become her safe place. A habit that she didn't want to let go of. Her days were consumed by images and feelings taken from her memories. But whether she liked it or not, now she had to confront the present._ Kara would have wanted her to go. She _mus_ t go. Alex lost her sister, this would be just as traumatic for her as it would be for Lena. She had to go.

-

The Desert facility was a place Lena wasn't familiar with and she was thankful for that. She knew seeing the others for the first time in six months would bring out every emotion she had been trying to bury in vain attempt, so the last thing she needed was an emotional breakdown before even entering the DEO. The place was swarmed with agents running all over the terrain. She was hurriedly allowed inside the large property and escorted to the main quarters by two agents. People around her were anxious. Everyone was yelling and moving in hectic pace. No one seemed happy or excited. It was like no one expected anything good to happen nowadays anymore. Why would it anyways? Kara was gone.

Lena's broken heart broke into tinier pieces when her eyes landed on a familiar redhead. Alex was talking to a tall man, motioning to something on the screen of her tablet before she noticed Lena in the distance. The Luthor choked on her own breath when their eyes met. Her arrival seemed to have a similar effect on Alex who froze mid sentence and stopped dead in her tracks upon seeing the raven haired CEO. It had everyone else turn their heads too. All eyes were on them right now but she didn't care. She didn't fucking care. She looked ahead, she looked at the closest thing to Kara there was. Her _sister_. Alex needed her and she was there. She didn't care about the past, it was long forgotten. She didn't care that at some point Alex was ready to kill her for the sake of the world. She _didn't_ care.

No words needed to be exchanged, there was a mutual understanding between the two. They were the only two parts of Kara that were still on earth. Still here.

Alex abandoned the man and approached her immediately, hugging her as tightly as humanely possible. Desperate, hurt. She hugged Lena and didn't let go as she cried out every last emotion she couldn't let go off for the last six months. And Lena hugged back just as tightly, just as desperately. Her eyes were leaking the second Alex came running to her.

"Thank you. Thank you, Lena," she sobbed into her shoulder and Lena squeezed her tighter. This was nothing like the Alex she used to know. This Alex was broken, clinging onto her like the ground was ready to drag her under. But it was okay, they could be broken together now.

"It's okay. I am here now. You are not alone."

It took a good minute for the Director of Operations to remember where she was and what was about to crash into the DEO. Lena remained close by her side even after they let go from each other. Both were flushed red and with even redder eyes when they joined the J'onn, Brainy and Nia. Thankfully they respected the situation and didn't pressure Lena into _welcome back_ hugs and encouraging words. It was not the time nor the place. The Superfriends silently gathered around the table and Nia was the only one that reached out and squeezed her arm gently, "Hey."

"Hi," was all Lena could manage to say. Her smile never reached her lips but Nia didn't mind. She gave her one last squeeze and let go of her.

The youngest Luthor knew she wasn't ready and no matter how much she tried to shove her feelings into tiny little boxes, it wouldn't help her right now. Focusing was next to impossible with each passing second and she barely could hold herself up. She braced herself against the cold surface of the table and inhaled, exhaled slowly.

"How many minutes are left?"

"A little over two minutes," Alex offered but Brainy being Brainy, wasn't satisfied with the vague answer.

He lifted his index finger and added, "Two minutes and 11 seconds to be precise."

"You couldn't locate who it is or from where it came exactly?"

Alex sighed. "No. We've tried but it didn't let us. Whoever sent this pod, made sure to conceal its tracks up until it entered our atmosphere."

_"Two minutes until arrival."_ _ The announcement echoed through the building and had everyone look up to the digital clock running on the main screen of the control room. Lena felt dizzy. _

_ "We should get going," J'onn suggested to the group, ultimately waiting for Alex to give the signal. _

-

The air was thick around them. The silence deafening. Alex and Lena were leading in the front and Brainy, Nia and J'onn followed behind them but the anxiety radiating off of everyone was palpable. The tunnel leading outside was empty, everyone was already at their respective positions. To Lena it felt like an endless path. Each step felt too small, her heart was pounding like crazy and the desire to drop her purse and sprint to the exit was growing exponentially fast. The dimly lit, narrow trail was suffocating to say the least.

So preoccupied by her thoughts, she barely registered Alex shifting closer to her. "Hey, you'll be fine." Lena had to blink once or twice to come back to her senses. She swallowed the lump in her throat that just wasn't going away no matter how much she tried and turned her attention to Alex who was looking at her like she was on the verge of breakdown herself but nonetheless tried her best to smile.

"Of course I will be. I am a _Luthor._ " It was less of a joke and more of a desperate attempt to cover up the fact that she was this close to smash her head against the concrete wall. They both chuckled weakly. 

"You have no idea how much it means to me that you are here."

The lump in her throat grew _impossibly_ bigger. The words were heavy, loaded with meaning that only they understood. Lena knew how big of a deal this was. Alex always was the strong, independent one. Similar to Lena, she never asked for help, she never wanted anyone to perceive her as weak. But the youngest Luthor also knew and never forgot the countless of times Alex was hostile towards her in the past. Kara's sister wasn't always like that though. In fact, there was a time they got along really well. Better than anyone would have expected. After she had warmed up to Lena and _before_ things got bad with Kara, they were a pretty damn good team, complementing each other in their respective fields. Their main obstacle always had been Alex protective nature towards Kara. Every argument Lena and Alex ever had, in some way always went back to the fundamental idea that Lena could potentially hurt the Kryptonian if she wanted to. When Kara forgave Lena a year ago, she was the only one that ultimately could convince her older sister to forgive Lena as well. It took _time_. Despite everything that happened in the past, It hurt Lena to know that Alex missed her terribly the last couple of months. She should have been there for her but she couldn't. She really couldn't...

"I am sorry I wasn't before. I-"

"-No it's okay. I get it. You don't have to explain yourself. What matters is that you are here now." And Alex meant it. She had been completely vulnerable with her since Lena walked into the DEO. It was a rare sight, and Lena knew how much trust it took for Alex to open up like that.

She nodded and in her own Lena way showed gratitude for the compassion. Alex in return nodded back, her eyes darting away for a split second before meeting hers again.

"I hope we can talk after all of this? I-I need to tell you some things, apologize for the way I was to you."

Lena could finally see the end of the murky tunnel, the exit door was greeting her in the distance and she mentally had to prepare herself for what was about to happen. She took a deep breath and tried to give her most sincere smile to Alex. "Lets get through this first, okay? Step by step."

"Yes, of course."

_"One minute until arrival."_

It was loud. That's all Lena could think and hear when they stepped outside. Since the 60 second mark was hit, the pod was in visible distance now. One look at the sky and she could see the vague outlines of the space capsule. The booming noise was similar to an airplane, which made sense of course. It had the same function, similar mechanical structure. Brainy had calculated earlier where the pod would land and according to his estimations, it targeted the runway that was used for their own DEO vehicles and planes.

The anticipation was making Lena nauseous. She had underestimated how much it would affect her. She couldn't lie, she had been through many difficult confrontations with outer space life targeting National City and it all had left scars on her. Rhea from Daxam and Leviathan were just two out of many. She still cared. Underneath her pain and grief, of course she still cared for her city and wanted to protect it but all this time the desire to disappear in the safety of her house overshadowed her desire to be there, in the center of action and help. How could she be there for others if she couldn't even watch over her own self? 

She was so tense, everyone was. The suspense was killing them all, especially because there was nothing they could do but wait till the pod arrived.

And so it did eventually. It arrived with a deafening crashing sound. The impact immediately created a crater on the ground but the pod surprisingly seemed unaffected. Agents stepped closer, circling the strange object. The more Lena stared at it, the more _familiar_ it appeared. She had seen something similar before, she knew it. And judging by Alex's pale face, she too must had seen it before. But where?

Dust was painting the air, making it hard to keep their eyes open. When Lena managed to open them again, a blurry figure stumbled out of the pod. The figure appeared to be of human form and with a cape. Their body was something along the lines of slim to muscular, but she couldn't say for sure. What fell in wavy masses from their head must have been hair, so Lena expected it to be a humanoid alien, like Daxamites were.

But _nothing_ could prepare her or anyone from what was actually hiding behind the dark smoke.

"Kara?"

Alex voice was like a deep stab into Lena's already bleeding heart, opening what was barely stitched up all over again. Her voice was so soft, but _broken_. It was the sound of a sister in disbelief, of someone that knew what they saw couldn't be true but still hoped it was real.

What ultimately ripped Lena apart was actually seeing the woman standing in front of her.

It was _her._

She couldn't even bring herself to say the name.

Kara was breathtaking.

Like she never got injured in the first place and hadn't left for a single day. Even with the gap between them, her sapphire blue eyes shone magnificently, taking Lena's breath away. Everything about her was the exact same except for two things. For one, _this_ was not her suit. Her family's coat of arms proudly sat on her chest but the suit had an overall darker, more intimidating look than its predecessor. Royal blue occupied most of her body, there was no gold in her suit anymore except inside her crest. Her belt had a cherry red color and a lighter, crimson shade filled decorative lines below and above it. She looked _more_ than handsome, although less approachable which was supposed to be one of the main traits of her Supergirl persona. The second thing that stood out was that Kara stood tall and prideful but not the way Lena was used to. It wasn't a Supergirl type of confident, it was _different_ but she couldn't place her finger on what exactly it was. It didn't feel like _her_ Kara. It was like watching someone else. Even her facial expression was alien.

Everyone's alarm bells rang of course at this sight. It couldn't be Kara. They knew it. Kara would have been _dead_ by now. She couldn't live on earth anymore. So it had to be some sort of shapeshifter. A sick, twisted being that took advantage of their emotional states and wanted to hurt them by selling them an illusion. Lena wanted to be angry but for some reason she _couldn't_. She was just frozen.

What scared her the most was the fact that deep down, something soothed her. It was warming her up, making her feel safe although this situation was anything but safe. Maybe it was a trick of the mind because objectively speaking, her eyes did _see_ Kara. Either way, never in a million years did she believe she would ever see that beautiful face again. And that alone was enough to send her to a shock state she couldn't break out of.

Kara or well, whoever _this_ was, didn't move. She stood there, eyeing everyone with a suspiciously calm exterior and a small smile. But no one bought her game. Weapons were still pointed at her and no one moved a muscle. The blonde raised her hands slowly in surrender, "I come in peace."

Lena's legs almost gave out right then. That fucking voice. It sounded like _her_. That smoothly flowing, sweet voice that was pure magic to Lena. It always managed to bring peace upon her like nothing else could. This voice was _here_ now, it was loud and clear for everyone to hear. It radiated the same strange confidence like the rest of the blonde and yet it held no hard edges. No arrogance. It was warm and gentle.

Alex hands were shaking. The raven haired Luthor caught a slight twitch in her movements and for a split second it did seem like the Director of Operations was considering to lower her weapon. But a wave of clarity flashed in her eyes before any more intrusive thoughts clouded her. She gripped it tighter than before, keeping it up high. Brainy spoke under his breath next to her, "Do we lower our weapons, Director?"

"No. We don't know if it is really her."

The imposter still hadn't moved. She was patiently waiting, eyes always darting from one person to the other, regarding them all. If she was nervous, she did an incredible job at hiding it. It wasn't Kara of course. This thing was a stranger, acting like one too. There was no familiarity. She didn't even attempt to cover it.

"I am truly sorry for the terrible disturbance. I hope my unannounced arrival did not startle you too much but unfortunately it was necessary, because this is a secret operation. My name is Kara Zor-El, as you may already know and I am here to talk to the Director of Operations Alex Danvers."

This had to be a fucking joke, right? Alex was completely out of it, her body had gone stiff and if someone was to push her now, she most likely would fall like an ice block to the ground. Lena wasn't sure just how much longer the redhead could stand on her feet, pretending like it didn't affect her that this woman who looked like her sister asked if she could see Alex, not knowing that it actually was _her_. 

It was clear as a day. This being had just confirmed that she was a threat.

"Kara, what the f- what do you mean? It's _me_." She almost stepped forward but decided against it. Was Alex in the clear head space to do this? Was anyone capable of handling this situation? Lena hadn't been able to utter a single word nor did she think she was capable of doing so. If this alien was able to sense vulnerability, they would feed on it _big time_ right now.

The imposter nodded, accepting the answer for what it was. "Director, can we talk in private?"

"Is this a _joke_?!"

"I am really sorry, I understand your confusion but I promise it all has a very logical explanation. Please give me two minutes of your time."

Silence.

Was Alex seriously considering this? Lena took a glance at J'onn but he had an unreadable expression. At times like these she wished he would use his gift of reading people's minds instead of being morally _enlightened._ They needed it right now more than ever, before anyone made the mistake of trusting this stranger. Lena herself was struggling hard. Her mind was screaming this was not Kara but her body didn't respond to that. She was drawn to her in a too familiar way. Ever since she stepped out of that pod, Lena wanted nothing more than run up to her and hug her.

As if reading her thoughts, the blonde shifted her eyes to green ones and it instantly sent a shiver down her spine. She felt exposed, like those piercing blue eyes were not just staring into her soul but reached into the depths of her memory and drew out everything Lena held painfully dear to heart. Kara's gaze was intense but not in a predatory way. Something in them was...gentle, careful even. She lingered on Lena only for a few seconds and yet it felt like an eternity.

Venom was spilling out of Alex's tongue when she spoke up next, "Agents, stay close. Follow us inside, _Kara_. Or should I call you something else?" Her shock had turned into anger now. It was only a matter of time until she would lash out.

"I _am_ Kara Zor-El. You have to believe me." It came with a sense of authority and ownership that made everyone straighten up. She sounded almost offended that someone would accuse her of not being the Kryptonian.

They were a very proud race from what Lena knew thanks to her brothers research and her own experience from living with one for so many years. Without realizing it, that voice did the trick. She believed the woman, and any alarm bell was thrown out of her mind without hesitation. It shouldn't have, she knew it shouldn't have been this easy to convince Lena but it was _too_ accurate. Supergirl used this exact tone whenever she talked about her heritage. It was definite but not rude. She never was rude. Even when angry, her voice rarely reflected that. It was always so tender.

"We'll see about that," Alex answered too late for it to sound convincing. Even if she stared at the blonde like she was ready to murder her, Lena saw the hesitation underneath her harsh expression. Alex was starting to believe her, too.

Supergirl followed them in complete compliance. Agents pat her down, but didn't find anything, then handcuffed her and she silently let them drag her into the building. Lena stayed behind with J'onn and Nia, as Alex, Brainy and at least ten other agents walked ahead with Kara in their grasp. There were no words to describe just how fucking absurd the whole situation felt like. No one knew how to react anymore...

"Guys, do you think she is telling the truth?"

J'onn answered, "I don't know, Nia. She seemed honest but it all could be just a trick. There are some very advanced alien species out there. We'll have to wait and see."

"What about you, Lena?" Yeah, what about _her_? She couldn't answer because she knew what her mouth wanted to say. It was at the tip of her tongue, begging to slip out. She wanted to say yes and it made her sick to her stomach that she was so weak. Lena heaved a sigh before she swallowed the bitter taste down.

"I don't...I don't know. I really don't."

Kara was brought to a secluded Kryptonian holding cell. Again, she did not resist _at all_ and simply nodded as they brought her in. Everyone accept Alex, Brainy, J'onn, Nia and Lena was ordered to stay outside. The blonde sat down on the empty chair and waited for...permission to speak? it was weird seeing her like this. She was too composed, too calm. 

Alex clapped her hands together and smirked at her "sister", "So, Kara. I don't think I need to tell you that it should be absolutely _impossible_ for you to be breathing on this planet right now. But go ahead, tell us your story."

"You are right. I shouldn't be able to breathe but you'll come to see that there is a simple reason for that." Alex impatiently gestured for her to continue. For the first time since Lena saw her, Kara revealed exhaustion on her face. She exhaled lightly, gathering her thoughts (or _lies_ ). There was a foggy glimmer in her eyes when she returned Lena's gaze but it was gone as soon as she she blinked. What were the chances that this individual was telling the truth? And why did it feel like Lena actually knew her? Did this Kara feel the same way about her? It was a ridiculous thought in an inappropriate setting but she couldn't help it. It had been six months without her best friend. And now she was standing in front of her...she missed her. She missed her so much it physically hurt her to not be able to come closer to her. Her whole body ached. Kara's eyes left her when she felt ready.

As soon as she raised her chin, the confidence back. Every trace of former emotion left her tan face. "When I woke up on Mogo, I was told I came from planet Earth. More specifically the DEO Desert facility with a distress message sent from J'onn J'onzz. Apparently the atmosphere's pollution by Green Kryptonite made living here impossible for me but I couldn't remember anything. All I remembered and still do is my name and my life on Krypton. Medical examinations showed that I suffered severe amnesia from the impact of the wounds on my head and the amount of time I remained unconscious. Thankfully, the people there treated me more than well, they helped me to get back on my legs and find back to life. As you can imagine, I was confused, disoriented and cautious. But they were patient with me and told me about _this_ planet, my life here."

Before anyone could let the words sink in, Alex shot a question, clearly not impressed with the answer, "How is the Kryptonite not effecting you right now?"

"Mogo is a very advanced planet. One of its unique properties is that it can adapt to ones specific needs. Long term exposure to the planet's atmosphere has made me immune to Kryptonite without making me lose any of my Kryptonian powers."

Truth be told, J'onn had chosen this planet called Mogo specifically because of its atmosphere. They didn't know much about it, but it was a sentient planet that was part of the Green Lantern Corps which was used for recuperation and welcomed other alien species as well. Everyone had mutually agreed to not send Kara anywhere someone with bad intentions could find her or suspect her of being. It was too risky. Priority was to bring her to a safe place where she could recover as quickly as possible and Mogo was the only candidate in J'onn's eyes.

If this really was Kara, _her_ Kara, it meant that she was alive and _okay_ but with no memories whatsoever about her life on earth. The thought left Lena's heart confused. It was melting from its frozen depths but at the same time she couldn't ignore the new wounds it was opening up. Kara was a different person now and she said it herself, she used to be disoriented. Lena knew for a fact she _still_ was disoriented, no amount of confidence could make up for the lack of identity Kara was experienced right now. The last ten plus years were foreign to her. It was heartbreaking because the more Lena watched her, the clearer it became just how puzzled the Kryptonian really was.

Nia didn't seem to pay mind to any of that or perhaps wanted to focus on the good side of things. She rather excitedly noted, "Wait a minute, this is amazing though. You are practically indestructible!"

Kara smiled. It was an actual smile. And fuck, Lena had to pinch herself to not burst out crying. How much she had missed that _smile_. That beautiful, innocent Kara Danvers smile. "This is what I have been told too but I wouldn't be too quick to judge, I am sure if someone wants to do me harm, they will find a way."

"Supergirl is still affected by magic and the red sun, therefore the term indestructible is not punctilious," Brainy added to which Kara nodded impressed.

"Correct."

J'onn came slightly closer to the cell walls, his arms were crossed in front of his chest. There was a tiny small smile on his lips, but he didn't want to show it. "Your new suit looks incredible by the way."

"My new suit?"

"Yes, your supersuit. The one you use to protect the world. To be Supergirl."

"What do I need a suit for? This is my normal clothing." Kara stared down at her suit with furrowed brows. She genuinely did not understand what J'onn was talking about and it had everyone look at each other just as confused. Brainy wanted to speak but his mouth closed again. Alex looked like she was about to throw up and Lena, who _still_ had not uttered a word, looked away in thought, so it left Nia to figure out an answer.

"Oh. Um, well, you see, on earth heroes usually disguise themselves. They do not fight evil as their everyday persona. They..."

"They create an alter ego," Alex continued weakly.

"Why?"

"Because it is dangerous to reveal their real identity. It puts the people they love in danger and also themselves. They are exposed to the whole world,." Everyone turned to look at Lena. She almost had forgotten what her own voice sounded.. They knew, except for Kara, the irony of it all. The history her words held was too rich. They were the same words Kara had used a year ago. It was the reason why she didn't tell Lena about her identity for years and why they fought, why Lena betrayed her in the midst of her own hurt and misery. But this Kara didn't remember any of that. She just curiously looked at the woman who spoke for the first time since she had arrived on earth. A curious smile tugged at those full lips.

"I see."

It made the youngest Luthor wonder though. Mogo was part of the Green Lantern Corps, how did they not teach her about the risks of being a superhero? Who was there with her all this time and what did they tell her? Maybe they didn't want to startle her. Or maybe it had to do with her memories. She remembered Krypton, so she only knew _their_ way of living, their structures and how important integrity and loyalty were to Kryptonians. If her home planet was the only thing she remembered, it must have had impact on the way she perceived and understood things now.

"You still have all your powers, right?"

"It appears I do have all of them. I was informed about Kryptonian biology and the unique consequences it presents on earth during my stay on Mogo. It is astounding how much difference it makes were you are born and were you find yourself along the way."

"So you don't remember anything? Nothing from your life here?" Alex almost whispered. It seemed like her and Lena were the only ones affected the strongest by the revelations. Did destiny really decide to bring them back to each other but to force them to start their relationship from the very beginning? Wasn't it good enough the first time? Was this Karma for all the pain Lena had inflicted on her best friend? She couldn't wrap her mind around the fact that this was reality. 

And Kara was aware of the implications that her amnesia held for the people on earth. Her face fell slightly and she cast her eyes to the ground. "Unfortunately no. Nothing. There is no telling when and if I will ever get my memories back...do you think it is possible for my to reach out to my sister? I have been told she lives here in National City."

There was a deafening silence after her words came out. They were spoken so innocent, but she had no idea the damage she had just caused to them, to _Alex_. Lena couldn't do anything but lay her hand on the tense shoulder, but Alex was gone the next second. She marched out of the room, leaving the others to deal with the situation.

Lena had to bite the inside of her cheek so hard to not lose it right there, she was sure she was bleeding. The urge to follow Alex and check up on her was strong and almost successfully managed to make her move if it hadn't been for Kara's big blue eyes following her own almost pleadingly. It was the only thing that kept her there in the end. Something about the way Kara looked at _her_ out of all people was so vulnerable in that moment, it made her stop.

"Did I say something wrong?"

What was so fucking painful about the whole situation was that Kara had no idea what was going on. She was so oblivious, she was worried. She genuinely thought she had offended someone somehow.

Nia spoke softly, "Alex is your sister. You both share the same last name."

"Indeed, I was told my last name was Danvers on earth but I thought it was a mere coincidence. They told me Alex is a FBI agent, but it must have been a mistake. I am really sorry. I did not mean to upset her like this."

"It is not your fault. The DEO is a clandestine organization, not known to the public. They have to disguise themselves as FBI agents," J'onn explained.

"They should have been more clear about that in order to avoid miscommunication. But I assume they weren't aware of it either. Again, my sincerest apologies."

Suddenly Brainy turned his head away and pressed his index finger against his ear. He was carefully listening to whoever spoke into his earpiece and then shifted his focus back to Kara again, "Director Danvers has issued your release from the holding cell. You are no longer a prisoner for the time being. However, she will return soon and discuss further details with you."

Without warning, he opened the transparent cell door and Kara was allowed to step out.

"If you don't mind, we'd like to undergo a variety of tests first, in order to determine the exact status of your health and examine if this is really you and not an imposter."

"Of course. Anything you need."

"Lena, will you do it?"

"Yes."

"Are you sure?"

"Don't worry. Follow me, Kara."

Lena didn't allow her voice to shake, nor her face to break out in visible agony. Not now and not in front of Kara. She didn't glance at the blonde longer than a split second before she lead the way to one of the medical rooms. She could feel the Kryptonian's presence following closely behind her with cautious steps. It also didn't go unnoticed the way this _stranger_ kept looking at her ever since they had entered the building earlier. But she ignored it. She ignored all of it because it didn't mean anything. She couldn't let herself believe it did.

They went through the glass doors and Lena motioned for her to lay down. Kara seemed completely unbothered by the whole thing. Like she was used to these procedures. Lena's mind went to many places due to this behavior. Just what exactly did she go through on that Mogo planet? Did they truly treat her well? How lonely did she feel? Was she used to intimacy and physical touch?

Lena fished her utensils from the table and turned to an already waiting Kara whose her eyes boring into Lena's and not once peeked down to look at the needle in her hands. It was nothing like their first meeting five years ago. That Kara looked at Lena nervously, star stuck even. _This_ Kara however lacked that. She still looked as innocently as ever but it was laced with pure curiosity, lacking any subjective emotion. And it fucking _hurt_. So much that Lena would have preferred it if Kara looked at her with anger, distrust or hate. Just a _nything_ except this emptiness that reminded too much of a stranger that only happened to share the same face with the person she loved.

"This will be a simple blood test. We have red sun lamps installed in this room, it will weaken you just enough for me to be able to draw blood from your skin. Are you ready?"

"Yes."

Throughout the whole procedure Lena felt eyes locked on her and it made the crippling anxiety in her only worse. She knew her heartbeat was going crazy and that the Kryptonian could one hundred procent hear and see it, but there was nothing she could do about it. At least Kara was kind enough to not ask about. She probably thought the woman in front of her was just intimidated. She couldn't possibly know that Lena was trying her best to control her mind and soul, trying to suppress the painful desire to tackle Kara in a hug and then get the hell away from this facility. Her chest felt so fucking tight.

"Good, all done."

Lena placed a band aid on the small wound and gave Kara a tight smile which was met by a too earnest, too thankful and too beautiful smile right back at her.

"Thank you...Lena it is, right?"

"Yes."

Lena went to dispose the used needle, hearing Kara carefully shift in the bed most likely to get up. She was quiet. Too quiet. Lena hated it.

"Your results will be ready in a few minutes. If it is okay with you, I would like to do some other tests in the meantime. Alex will take CT and MRI scans afterwards."

"Of course, I don't mind."

Lena took a small flashlight and came to stand right before Kara. It was the closest proximity they shared in half a year, no one could blame Lena for shaking. Kara's scent was different now, that was her first thought when the smell reached her nose. It was more of a woody scent that reminded the Luthor of cold winter nights at her father's cabin. Normally, this would bring her painful memories but now it left her.. _.craving_. 

She showed the flashback to Kara before continuing, "Look into the light and follow my movements, okay?"

Kara simply nodded, again not giving the device in her hands any attention. They did all the necessary routine tests and Lena was freed from duty when Alex walked in with Brainy, Nia and J'onn. They all looked miserable, feeling sorry for Lena, for _themselves_. Her eyes firstly went to the older Danvers sister who thankfully seemed more calm now. Her nose was still slightly red but other than that, nothing except exhaustion made itself evident on her face. She smiled at Lena when their eyes met. There was a brief discussion on what would follow next and everyone agreed the best course of action would be to take Kara to her apartment if all her tests came out positive.

Before Lena announced her departure for the day, Alex pulled her aside and told her she would come by L-Corp as soon as she could. Kara followed their interaction, curious as ever and searched for eye contact when Lena was about to leave. All she could offer was a tired smile, which the Kryptonian accepted gladly and gave a smile of her own in return. Again, Lena didn't allow herself to think about it for too long. She couldn't do this to herself. Kara had just come back to earth and clearly didn't remember anything. There was no point in hoping that maybe she did feel a connection to her (former) best friend. It was a selfish thought and would only bring more hurt.

Kara was healthy, that's what mattered. She used this like a mantra and repeatedly chanted it in her head in order to silence the _other_ voices...

-

Alex kept her promise. She did come to her office, precisely an hour before midnight. When the redhead sat down on the couch next to her, it was the first time Lena had the chance to take a good look at her. She looked so much _older_. These six months weren't kind to her, Lena knew an insomniac woman when she saw one. She was guilty of it too. They both looked like shit.

And so Alex spoke, she filled her friend in on everything that happened after she had left the DEO and that Kara was in her apartment with Brainy and Nia right now. They were to stay over for the night, to keep her company and make her feel at home. At _home_ in her _own_ home. The irony of it all...

Overall, Kara was medically clear. No imposter, no mental or internal issues, no anything. She was as healthy as it could get and calm all day long, Alex said. She listened to everything they had to say but also wasn't shying away from asking questions.

"It's so weird. She is a completely different person. She behaves, talks and carries herself so differently. This is not _our_ Kara. This is a Kara from a different planet. Like she remembers Krypton and remembers being inside that pod for _years_ before she ended up on earth, but it seems like it does not impact her in the slightest anymore. Almost as if she never actually experienced that trauma. She had no difficulty talking about her life, she has no claustrophobia anymore, _nothing_. That scarred part of her is non existent. And I don't understand how it is possible."

"The living conditions on that planet allowed her to heal in ways that she couldn't here. She did say it adapts to the needs of the individual."

"Yeah, I guess. I don't know, it's just too much to take in. Nothing about her is..."

" _Familiar_ ," Lena finished for her.

"Yeah."

The utter defeat on Alex face was heartbreaking. Of course everyone was beyond happy to have Kara back, but it came with such a cost that could not be ignored no matter how much anyone tried. Kara had no connection to any of them, she may have been Alex's sister but she didn't know what that was supposed to feel like. To Kara, Alex was just a human stranger. So they had to adapt to those new circumstances. Eventually, things would get easier for everyone. They just had to be hopeful. Lena knew once the initial shock wore off, there would be no more hiding for her. Her best friend was back and she needed to be there for her even if the blonde didn't remember her.

"Alex, she will remember. You have to believe me on that."

"It has been six months. Six months with the best doctors. I don't think she will, Lena. I really don't. You said it yourself, the planet adapts to her needs. But still, she doesn't remember."

"She was in a wholly different world, completely isolated from everything she has ever known. Give her some time, let her settle in."

Tears were welling up in Alex's eyes and lips were quivering. She tried to open her mouth several times but no words came out. They _couldn't._ Lena understood all too well how it felt like to want to scream, to say anything in order to ease the pain but to not be able to. It was like ones body just shut down.

She had to grab Alex's hands in her own in order to make her look at her again. "Look at me, I _never_ let anything happen to her and I promise you, I sure as hell won't now. I will bring her back, okay? I will bring _our_ Kara back even if it is the last thing I do."

They remained like this for a few minutes, just holding each other like this. Lena was patiently waiting for Alex to find her breathing again and she could see how the tension slowly left the older woman's body. Lena had no idea where she had found the strength to bring her friend's spirit up again but there was a burning fervor inside of her that couldn't let her sit and not do anything while Alex was at this low point of her life. She didn't want to see her like this. Lena already was a fucking mess, she couldn't let others become like her too.

"You saved us more times than I can count. And all I ever did was distrust you. I-I don't think there are words to describe how sorry I am. I don't deserve your kindness."

"Maybe if it was another time, different circumstances, I would have given you the cold shoulder, ignored you or yelled at you but I can't be bothered with these things any longer, Alex. It- I just don't have the strength to care anymore. When I lost Kara, it all meant nothing. Everything I have been through, all this resentment I felt for everyone, including _you_ , it all disappeared to the very back of my mind. Nothing mattered anymore. I lost my best friend, it was the only thing occupying my every thought, every step, every heartbeat...I don't know if I have forgiven you but _right now_ , I can guarantee you that you are the only person I am willing to talk to."

There was no sign of surprise or anger on her face, in fact Alex seemed relieved. She nodded timidly.

"She was looking for you. She didn't say anything but her eyes were searching for you all the time. I don't know what you two talked about while you were alone but she must feel it. I know she must."

"Feel what?"

"You and her. The connection you share. It is the only thing that gives me hope. The only thing that lets me to believe that maybe, just maybe, she might start to remember."

Lena's heart started beating faster just at the mentioning of Kara. It would be a lie to say it didn't cross her mind. She was hoping the same, if not _her_ , maybe Alex being the key to Kara's memories. But to think that her own sister believed _Lena_ was the only one that could get trough to the Kryptonian, made her heart flutter. The never ending question of whether Kara ever had romantic feelings for her or not didn't matter in this instance. If Lena's friendship was so important to Kara that it was deeply rooted in her and couldn't be shaken away from her mind, then so be it. All Lena cared about was her best friend's well being right now. Even if it meant that maybe they would never be more than just friends. She could take it. She _had_ been taking it since the first day she met her. It was okay. It was fine. She had to be rational though. They all had to be. There always was the possibility that Kara would never remember again and they had to prepare themselves for that.

"I don't think so. Nothing about the way she looks at me is remotely close to the woman I knew... but we will bring her back. Don't worry. Amnesia is persistent, but so are we."

Alex features lifted in a knowing expression and squeezed the hands that were still placed above hers. "Lena?"

"Yeah?"

"Trust me. If she ever remembers anything again, it will be you."

Lena didn't sleep that night. Nothing new. But it was especially difficult this time. She spent months grieving over the person she was in love with, keeping her memory close to her heart but now that Kara was back, she was _still_ grieving, still crying, still feeling empty. Because the person that was back, was not her. It was not Kara, it was a stranger. She mourned because the person she was in love with, did not exist anymore. Only in her memories, in her heart. And that perhaps, was much worse.

-

Kara was not to undergo any specific treatment. There wasn't much that could be done. Alex, Kelly and her agreed however to start psychotherapy once the blonde had fully settled in. They would try hypnosis among other things, always only with consent of course. Most importantly though, their best chances laid in approaching Kara's mind with things familiar to her past self. This is why Alex was going to take her to Midvale very soon. They also would regularly start taking her to her favorite Asian place, eat potstickers, go to Noonan's and bring game nights back to life. Anything that could spark a memory. They wanted to settle her into her old routine. Lena wasn't sure how much it would actually help because she was a scientist after all and trusted in science rather than people, but everyone did the best they could. She was grateful for that. Therefore, she approached things the way she knew she could do _best_ and started her own research. She also knew it was partly just an excuse to lock herself in her lab.

It was too early in the morning, when she woke up wide awake.

Her bedroom walls were suffocating her, sleep wouldn't find her again and there was no point in laying around doing nothing. So she left for the only place there really was for her. The CEO didn't bother opening the lights to her office. She sunk into the couch and stared into the sleeping city. Old Lena might have opened a new bottle of scotch to keep her company in restless times like these but new Lena knew better. She hadn't touched alcohol in over four months. She didn't desire it anymore. Not after realizing that no amount of alcohol could make her feel better or make her forget. It never did. It only made the ache in her heart worse.

Somewhere along her silent observations, she noticed a blurry something floating in the sky. It visibly grew bigger and it became obvious it was floating towards her _balcony_. She didn't know if it was her exhausted mind playing tricks or if it actually was person but she remained seated. For some reason she just didn't feel alarmed.

A few seconds later she recognized it most definitely was a human, or well alien.

Blue and red shined in the sky.

It made her sober up immediately.

Kara was floating behind the railing now, not coming closer. Her brows were knitted lightly. Lena didn't know what to do. But it was obvious the person outside her balcony wouldn't come a single step closer if she wasn't going to invite her in, which was only adding to the open wound in her heart. Lena got up hesitantly, still not used to the fact that the blonde in front of her was real. She opened the balcony door and audibly gasped. The sight of the Kryptonian in all her might could never get old. It was as graceful and intimidating as it was the first time she saw her.

"Kara?"

She still didn't move, so Lena made room for her to come in. At the gesture the blonde finally relaxed enough to come closer and land softly on the ground. As hesitant as she was, the Kryptonian didn't display any nervousness. Her body language was careful but she was holding herself proudly, not even Supergirl was this composed. Her hands which always used to move one way or another, were hanging relaxed at her sides now.

"Good morning. I hope I am not disturbing you?"

"Not at all."

She closed the balcony door and they walked inside together. It shouldn't have made Lena's heart go crazy, but this felt all too familiar. They did this a _thousand_ times before. It evoked memories. So many fucking memories.

How did you get here?"

"Truthfully, I don't know. I was floating in the sky, trying to ease my mind, perhaps remember something but I ended up here instead. I had no idea this is your building until I saw you through the balcony door."

" _Oh_." What was she supposed to say to that? She wanted to believe this was a sign, progress, oh how she wanted to believe it. But her brain screamed at her this is not real, don't fall for it. Both sides made the permanent knot in her throat swell and suffocate her more and more. Anything made her cry nowadays. She never expected seeing Kara again would bring her more pain than before.

Before she allowed herself to shed tears in front of the Kryptonian, she coughed to snap herself out of it.

"Sorry, it's just, I wasn't expecting you to ever walk through that balcony door again. It's a lot to take in." At least she was honest.

The blonde nodded, her gaze falling to the ground. "I understand. I am sorry for barging in like this. It was very wrong of me," she said with genuine guilt dripping out of her. It was at times like these she remembered that all the pain she felt was nothing compared to the emptiness and confusion Kara must feel. Once again, even with no memories, the most sincere and good-hearted being on the planet was suffering and God knows why. Why again. Why her Kara?

"You have nothing to apologize for. Come sit."

"Thank you."

They made themselves comfortable on the couch, _their_ couch and Lena really hoped that if there was a place that could spark a memory, it would be _this,_ L-Corp and her office. Where they met, where they spent endless of days together, lunching, talking, admiring each other. When Kara revealed her identity to Lena and the Luthor did what she did, it took a long time for their friendship to go back to how it was. They would talk briefly here in there, with gazes never really meeting, sometimes they would also see each other at the DEO or when Kara as reporter was on duty.

But it was _here_ where they fought and fought to make things _right_ again. Where they would spent time opening up about their traumas, about their mistakes. This couch held a special place in Lena's heart because truthfully, it only belonged to Kara and her. She never let anyone sit on it, except Alex now. It was a gesture she just felt like she had to do. The couch was the most personal thing she possessed of Kara and it gave Lena comfort, she hoped it could give the redhead comfort too.

Kara's eyes were on her again, which wasn't a surprise anymore. They always seemed to search for her and Lena couldn't figure out what was going through the blonde's mind. There must have been _something_ , a reason why she couldn't keep her eyes off of Lena. Did she remember something? Or did Alex tell her about their past? Maybe she did, maybe she talked about it in her blunt Alex way and gave Kara the wrong impression of Lena. But then again, did a wrong impression of Lena Luthor exist? She had done horrible things despite sincere intentions.

"Can you remember anything at all?"

"I am afraid no. But I must admit I do find myself drawn to certain places. Like this office...to you. You and I were something to each other, weren't we?" That look. That fucking _look_. It was so alien and yet so Kara. Her face held so much tenderness. It was gently asking for permission but she was clueless. Absolutely clueless. Her question was a question of interest, she had no feelings, no memories connected to the woman in front of her.

And it hurt hurt hurt. Lena barely was able to choke out, "We were best friends."

She couldn't meet her gaze. She stared at her nervously itching fingers. Kara wasn't pushing, she kept her space and only nudged lightly forward, "Do you mind telling me more about this friendship? What was it like?"

Lena's mouth opened without hesitation. Her words spilled out of her like they were memorized, deeply rooted on her tongue and she was too tired to filter herself right now, so she let them all come out at once, "The most fulfilling relationship I've ever had in my life. You were family and so much more. You made me feel like I was enough, like I was worthy of love and prosperity. You told me I made you feel normal. Given your superhero status, it wasn't often people remembered that behind that suit you also were just _you_. Kara. Not Supergirl."

She didn't answer right away. Lena looked at her, sapphire eyes already trained on her. But no judgment. Just taking in what the woman next to her told her.

"That sounds tragic and beautiful at the same time. I am glad I was able to make you feel that way but you must know that you are worthy of all that regardless of my presence around to remind you of that." They was no edge in her voice and it made Lena almost chuckle. Kara, _old_ Kara, used to say the same thing and it would be comforting, now it just left her empty.

"I didn't exactly grow up in an environment that allowed me to believe in these things."

"I am sorry to hear that."

"You were so patient with me. Always making sure I was comfortable around you and at the same time pushing me to face my fears."

Kara straightened up, her face almost scrunched in pain. For a second Lena thought something was physically hurting her. Kara's hands lightly fisted themselves in her dark blue pants. "This must be very hard for you. I apologize, I shouldn't have come unannounced like that."

"It's fine, you are always welcome here. This was kind of our thing actually. Me working all day long, having no sense of time or place and you flying in with coffee or food, reminding me to eat something, to take a break and just breathe for a moment."

"And nowadays?"

"I haven't slept at all in two days. I don't remember the last time I ate anything other than take out, and by the end of the day I will have drunk nine, maybe 10 cups of coffee. So yeah, I guess I still need a reminder," Lena chuckled to ease the tension in the air. She didn't want pity or even worse, make Kara feel more responsible for all this than she already did. The Kryptonians's gaze softened

"Were you hoping to see me again?"

That hit her right in the fucking heart. She didn't answer right away. Her chest was tightening as the words were floating through her mind.

"I think a part of me never accepted the fact that you were gone. Part of me wanted to believe it was just a temporary thing, that you would come back one day. Back to me. You always came back to me. No matter what."

"It appears I kept that promise."

Lena wanted to say _no_ , old Kara made that promise but she couldn't bring herself to hurt her like that. It wasn't Kara's fault. And Lena didn't want to sound like a bitter, selfish asshole that only thought of herself. Kara could walk the earth again, it was a miracle. She had to push her personal feelings aside and focus on that.

The smacking sound of Kara's hands slapping her thighs startled Lena, who followed the movements with curiosity. The blonde got up and grinned widely at her from her new position, no trace of earlier worries visible on her beautiful face. "Come to my place tonight. I will cook us dinner and then we can have a walk through the park. Perhaps watch the stars if the sky is clear."

_Don't say yes._

"I'd love to."

_Fuck._

She really shouldn't have said it. Those sapphire blue eyes had always been her weakness though, she never could bring herself to say no to Kara, nor could she now. It was so easy to just _be_ with her. To live in the moment. To go with the flow and do whatever it was that her best friend spontaneously proposed.

"Great! I'm looking forward to it."

-

Dinner was surprisingly delicious. Lena wasn't used to her favorite Kryptonian cooking. She could do basic dishes but even then, it wasn't spectacular in taste. Kara ate ridiculous amounts of food and she preferred to spend her calories on take out, the kind that would give any normal human a cardiac arrest. It was a nice change to see something other than burgers or pizza.

They talked a lot, mainly Lena about her projects at L-Corp, her future plans and what it was like to live no family whatsoever around her any longer. Since Lex and Lilian were sent to maximum security prison, Lena was officially on her own. Kara listened closely to every word she spoke, never interrupting her but always with a question ready to ask. This was something wholly new that Lena wasn't used to. Kara never was the prying type or really asked many things in general. She was someone that preferred when people opened up about themselves naturally and when they felt safe around her. But this Kara had no filter in that regard. Not that it was a bad thing, she was careful, never crossing boundaries and always making sure that Lena felt comfortable. It just caught her by surprise and some answers came a bit slower than others.

Another new addition was the fact that Kara was much more... _confident_. It was like seeing Supergirl but in civilian clothes. She didn't apologize every two sentences like her former self did and she was _very_ aware of her charm. It was an attractive new twist but also so foreign. Lena didn't know how to react. It almost made her feel guilty that she enjoyed this side of the blonde. She didn't want to, she felt like she was betraying the old Kara. There was one particular moment in which the shame almost made her run to the bathroom and lock herself up. To make things worse, it happened barely twenty minutes into their evening together. Food was ready and Kara was serving when Lena darted to the kitchen to take out a normal glass, since she wasn't drinking wine. It wasn't a secret that the CEO was short, nor that Kara's cupboards were a challenge for her every time she opened them to get something out. So, being naturally stubborn and too proud to ask, she tried to tiptoe and fetch the glass herself although she clearly knew there was no chance she would reach it. After three failed attempts, she felt an all too familiar warm presence behind her. One hand planted itself on the counter and essentially trapping her there, while the other reached up with no difficulty to take out the glass Lena was aiming for. Their fingers most definitely touched and Kara's front pressed itself against her back. Hot breath tickled Lena's ear when Kara said in an unexpected raspy voice, "You know I don't bite, right? You can ask me for help."

And just like that she and the glass were gone and Lena was glued to the spot with eyes wide open and a malfunctioning brain. Of course there was a good chance that Kara didn't read too much into her own action, she might have really just teased her like friends do, but the way it made Lena feel was anything but friendly. It was arousing and awoke something in her she had been _starved_ for: physical contact with her best friend. The heat turned then into emotional aching. Lena wanted to hug her. No. She wanted _Kara_ to hug _her_. To squeeze her, to bring their bodies closer and rub her back in a way that almost made Lena forget about her own name. But she couldn't ask for it. Nor could she just go and hug her without warning. Everything was just so different now...

As promised, they went for a walk afterwards and was Lena more than thankful for it. She needed the fresh air and the most importantly space. The closeness of Kara and her mouth so close to her face still lingered on her, it burned like fire and reminded her of all the things she wished the Kryptonian would do to her. And as if was not enough to be beyond attracted to her best friend, she also had to check herself and her breathing every now and then because _of course_ Kara could see when something was wrong with her. For how long could she possibly excuse her aroused state with "I am fine, just nervous"? Especially _this_ Kara was not oblivious, that much she could tell. So it made it increasingly harder to hide her feelings and physical desires all together.

It was well past 9 now and the darkness of the night had swallowed the sky. The park was rather empty around this time, occasionally they would walk past couples that were taking night strolls just like them. It wasn't particularly chilly, Lena felt more than comfortable in her Burgundy blazer and it did the job, so she didn't even bother to blame her desire to shift closer to Kara to the weather. It was a push and pull type of thing that her emotions had her in. She needed space from her best friend but at the same time she couldn't stand the distance and wanted to be as close as possible to her. It was ridiculous and unfair towards the blonde who must have noticed Lena's ambiguous attitude towards her.

Unlike earlier, they barely talked now. Occasionally Kara would comment on how pretty the park looked or Lena would tell her about her favorite spots. The silence wasn't uncomfortable though. It wasn't forced, it was...nice. Still, she couldn't help but think how it was nothing like their old relationship. They always found things to say, even in the most dangerous situations. " _There is always something to say,_ " that's what Kara used to tell her when Lena teased her about her talkative nature. Looking back, she truly was meant to become a reporter.

"You're awfully quiet."

Kara turned to look at her in amusement as they kept walking. She did that a lot whenever she learned new things about herself. That's something Kelly continuously praised about her. The ability to take her new life for what it was and not dwell on the fact that she used have a past, a _life_ she couldn't remember was good, mainly because it didn't further strain her mental health, thus only making the progress in their therapy sessions easier. Alex believed it had to do with Kara's memories stopping before coming to earth, so she remembered how it felt being Kryptonian and the mentality that it brought along. Not having to adapt to earth life, Kara fully embraced that graceful, confident Kryptonian aura.

"Is that unusual?" she asked.

"It is. But I am sorry, it's wrong of me to keep telling you what you were and weren't like. It's not fair and I am sure everyone else is pressuring you a lot too."

"It's alright. Losing someone is one thing, having them back again with no memories is another."

Lena didn't mean to get so deep into this and she didn't notice how easily the words slipped out of her, "It's like losing them all over again."

"I am sorry," Kara softly said but Lena heard the slight crack in her voice. And it made her stop walking. She wanted to apologize for being such an asshole to Kara all this time. This needed to _stop_.

"No, please don't be. None of this is your fault."

"Then why does it feel like it is?"

She stopped breathing. This. _This_ was her biggest fear from all of this. Maybe even greater than Kara never remembering again. This. Kara blaming herself. It appears that this was the only thing that haunted the Kryptonian no matter what. The weight of the world on her shoulders. The responsibility to protect everyone and everything.

For the first time she opened up about what was going on inside of her ever since she came back to earth. Until now, she was observant, neutral but this was a glimpse of what was really going on. Her face was distant. Eyes were staring down on the ground, not finding comfort anywhere. Lena's fingers twitched, she wanted to wrap her in her arms but. _But_...

She shouldn't. It was selfish. Kara was confused, hurt and the last thing she needed was an overemotional best friend that couldn't function around her. Now it was time for someone to listen to _Kara._ Be there for _her_. And not the other way around.

"I am so sorry you feel this way, Kara. It's a normal reaction. You don't remember anything, so your mind convinces you that you must be the reason for all of this, essentially blaming you as a form of copying with the situation. But nothing about this is your fault, I promise."

"I wouldn't be in this position if I had stopped the Kryptonite contamination."

"Kara-"

"-I couldn't stop it, could I? I was defeated, unconscious, vulnerable, I had to leave. I failed you, I failed the City."

Lena couldn't allow her to blame herself about any of this. Kara was the bravest, purest heart in this world and National City would have been _nothing_ without her.

"Hey, stop that. No, you didn't fail anyone. You _never_ did. Even while you were gone, your spirit was with us. You pushed us all to strive to be our best versions. Don't ever blame yourself for what happened. Everyone has a weakness, everyone falls at some point. And that is okay."

Kara remained silent. Her shoulders were tense and there was so much more she wanted to say. Lena could feel it. It was something that Kara always did. Swallowing down her words, bottling them up up up until she exploded. And even _then_ , she would still hold back. She never wanted to upset or hurt anyone, even if they were in the wrong. Lena knew first hand...

"Why does it feel so different with you?" Kara raised her head to meet her. Her brows were knitted, for the first time her eyes were not gentle on her. They were frustrated. She was frustrated and Lena didn't know why or what she could say. But Kara wasn't finished, "They've been trying to make me feel at home and it only makes me feel worse. I want to be grateful and I want to be able to appreciate what they are doing but the guilt overtakes me every time I look at their sad eyes. But you say _one_ thing and I feel okay, I feel safe."

Fuck. She couldn't say things like that and expect Lena to not become a mess.

"My former self must have been one lucky woman to have you in her life."

A humorless chuckle escaped her, her gaze fell on the ground before her. "You have no idea what I did to your former self."

"I'm sure you must have had your reasons."

Lena turned her head so fast, she might have torn an artery and not even notice it. " _No_ , don't say that. Nothing can excuse the pain I inflicted on you."

"I hurt you too, didn't I? They told me about my secret identity and how I kept it from you for years. That must have hurt more than what they gave it credit for and I am so sorry to hear that I did this to you. You deserved nothing but the truth from the very start."

No, no, no. They couldn't talk about this. They couldn't go back to the past and talk about it. It was locked, it was safely hidden in a corner of Lena's brain she didn't dare to disturb. How dare Kara bring these memories back to the surface without permission? Lena stopped in her tracks. It all suddenly became way too much.

"I can't do this. I am sorry, I need to go. I am sorry." She didn't even wait for Kara, she bolted away and prayed the Kryptonian wouldn't follow her. She needed to get these words out of her system, forget it ever happened. The truth was, she ready to let Kara back in her life and the realization almost left her parallelized in the middle of the street. But she pushed and pushed, forcing herself to keep going. She ran, never looking back.

-

Kara didn't reach out. Lena didn't blame her after what happened and felt guilty even for leaving her all confused and alone. But what was she supposed to do? Talk about one of the most emotionally heartbreaking moments of her life with the _love_ of her life, while she had no recollection it ever happened? Or listen to how Kara would have done things differently if she could go back in time? Lena still had not processed how Kara was back. _It had been two days._ She needed time and Kara didn't want to give her that. She wanted to be friends again, which was completely understandable and in no way her fault. The fault lay with Lena for believing she was ready to make it happen. She was too mentally and emotionally shaken. Blame her abused ass, but she couldn't deal with all of this right now. It was too overwhelming. And what did Lena do when she was overwhelmed? She hid.

She didn't step foot into L-Corp in the following week, continuing work from home where she was safe from everyone. Alex and Nia would occasionally muster up the courage to message or call her, and she let them. They were all forced to be connected again, however it was nice...knowing they cared for her still. They offered to drop by, but she declined every time. Distance was good. Eventually, they would take the next step and meet again but for now communication through the phone was enough.

It was late at night when she was reading a book in her office, legs tucked in underneath her in the sweet company of a tea and a nice oversized sweater.

There was a sudden gust of wind that made her shiver. She contemplated getting up and close the slide window but ultimately decided against it, too engrossed in what she was reading.

"You are avoiding me."

The voice made her jump in her seat.

She wanted answers that Lena didn't have. A headache was already forming from all the emotions she was trying to suppress. They still weren't facing each other, Lena remained seated.

"No, Kara I am not. I am just really busy at the moment, I am sorry."

"You haven't been at L-Corp at all for the last week." That made her turn. Kara was looking at her from where she stood just outside the door. Her face was blank.

"How do you-"

"-I came by every day." Kara came inside without asking and was standing now right in front of her. "Did I do something?"

"You didn't do anything. It's me. I just have a lot on my mind."

"You left so abruptly that night. You haven't responded to any of my messages since then. I can't help but conclude that I am the cause for your troubling thoughts."

Another thing that drove Lena crazy was this. The way Kara _talked_. It was so...not her, so not personal. It felt like being in a business meeting. It was a constant reminder of the distance between them.

She pulled herself up then, not wanting to be rude and faced the blonde with fidgeting hands. When did they get so sweaty?

"I am sorry. You don't deserve this."

"You don't deserve this either. Any of you. I can't help but feel responsible for the way you feel. I wish I could remember. I really do. I feel a huge piece of me is missing. The closest thing to filling that hole is when I am with you but that's selfish. I am hurting you only more," Kara's voice grew smaller. So small and fragile, no one could possibly understand how difficult this must have been for her. And Lena ached for her. Her hand was twitching, it wanted to reach out and touch Kara's.

"You are doing your best. It is what it is, we can't change what happened. Only look forward." Which was exactly what she wasn't doing. She almost expected Kara to call her out on her bullshit but the blonde let the conversation die there. She didn't look at the Luthor again, her eyes trailed to the desk behind her and stayed there. It didn't seem like Kara wanted to leave just yet.

So Lena took the chance to look at her. Appreciate her. She was still so painfully _beautiful._ Nothing about her face had changed. It was still so fucking beautiful. And so was the rest of her. As much as Lena loved her old suit, this one was starting to _really_ grow on her. It made her look more mature somehow, _older_ but in a good way.

"This suit looks amazing on you. Who made it?"

Small talk. It was progress, right? Kara seemed to appreciate the change of topic, her features relaxed lightly.

"Thank you. His name is Dharu. He insisted on creating something that was close to the original and a representation of the House of El."

"And yet, it looks nothing like your cousin's. I am glad. It really distinguishes you from each other."

"Didn't people distinguish us before? I was told he was the hero of Metropolis."

"Yes, he is. But humans often times have a hard time differentiating members of the same family from each other. They throw them in the same box. Have the same view or expectations of them."

Kara tilted her head, her voice almost turning into a whisper, "Is this something you had to experience too? With your family?"

Oh the irony of it. Lena couldn't help but let out a bitter chuckle. "I am sure Alex told you about that already."

"I want to hear it from you. Not from someone else."

"Why does it matter? There is not much else to add."

"I disagree. It makes a difference. It's your story to tell."

Lena looked away, not bearing the pressure of Kara's questions. She could feel it inside of her, the snapping tension was building and building once again and if the blonde wouldn't leave soon, Lena was sure she would start screaming.

"Kara. I...I don't want to talk about this right now. I am sorry."

She knew it wouldn't take much longer. The rim was already full, it always was nowadays and she would explode soon. Poor Kara couldn't understand it. She nodded but couldn't, no matter how much she tried.

"I apologize if my insistence made you uncomfortable. It wasn't my intention. I just feel like I want to be closer to you. To know you."

"You don't _talk_ like that, Kara! Please, snap out of it!" There it was.

She didn't mean to, but her voice grew louder, more frustrated. It was almost like pleading, begging Kara to wake up from this nightmare. Lena instantly regretted the way she reacted but the Kryptonian didn't even flinch. She was still looking at her softly and with so much patience, it could have killed Lena right there and then. But she was tired. She needed space. She massaged her temple, trying to get rid of the aching pain she experienced there. As if that would make her feel any better.

"You should leave. I am not in the right headspace and I am wrongly lashing out on you. I am really sorry, Kara."

"I can take it. I don't mind."

"You _should_."

Her eyes closed as she tried to not let the ground below her swallow her whole. She knew this situation too well. And it hurt like a bitch. How many times Kara had said those words when they were on bad terms. How many times she took all the beating with a smile. Lena exhaled a shaky breath, trying to not think about this right now.

"You endured more than necessary because of me. Don't make the same mistake again," she weakly muttered. When her eyes opened again, Kara appeared to be much closer now. Or maybe she just imagined things. Either way, the blonde's expression had shifted to something intense, something primal. She was looking at Lena like she was on the bridge of making a decision. Even her voice had changed, it came out much throatier, hitting Lena with a wave of heat she was not prepared for, "Do you want me to leave?"

It was all too much. The emotions were overwhelming her in ways that she couldn't escape. She had to confront them in front of Kara and she knew she wouldn't be able to stop herself from pouring it all out.

"Kara..."

But Kara sighed loudly and balled her hands into fists. "I understand why Alex has a hard time looking at me or talking to me after everything that has happened. Even the others, J'onn, Nia, Kelly and Brainy, they all struggle _but_ they work past it, they want to be around me, teach me despite the obvious tension and pain in the air. But you...they told me you and I were friends, by your words best friends even and yet, you don't want to look at me even for a single second." Her knuckles were getting whiter with each second, her voice surprisingly had not the same tension. It was still controlled but lacked its usually soft edge that made Lena feel calm. She was tense now and so was the Luthor. "They avoid telling me things about you when I ask and then I come to you for answers and you don't want to tell me either. Your heart beats so fast, ever since I first saw you, it beats so fast I am afraid it might jump out of your chest but then I see your face and it's stone cold. Beautiful but so so _cold_. I just..I just want to know. Why?"

She was frustrated at last. Her voice almost cracked at the end but Lena couldn't take it anymore.

She burst out, "Why what? Why I haven't been able to sleep since you left? Why I haven't talked to anyone for half a year? Why I can't seem to function or breathe whenever I am around you because I am reminded the person I loved the most is not there anymore even though she is staring right back at me? It doesn't matter, Kara. It hurts more than you will ever be able to understand and I can't do this. I can't pretend. I can't be around you, it hurts too much. You stand right in front of me and I can't reach out to you. And that is much worse than when you weren't there at all. At least I had the memories. _Our_ memories. So please, let me suffer in silence because you truly don't deserve to hear all this, it is selfish of m-"

She was cut off by two strong arms pulling her into Kara's frame. She held her right there, _against_ her in a tight hug. Lena could do nothing but to melt into her embrace, allowing her own arms to wrap themselves around the blonde. She settled her head on Lena's shoulder, bringing their bodies impossibly closer. The shorter woman was hit by a wave of warmth that spread through her whole body and reached her most tense parts, soothing them in an instant. Her eyes almost grew heavy from the impact. All her exhaustion was finally coming out and she wanted nothing but to remain in Kara's arms for as long as possible. They stayed like this for at least a minute.

"I may not be the person you knew, but I will be there for you just as she would have been. As long as I live, you will never be alone."

Tears started flowing out of Lena's eyes, the wetness enveloping her face in a cold shower. Kara didn't have to feel the tears on herself to know she was crying.

"It's not fair. None of this is fair.," Lena's voice broke. The Kryptonian rubbed tranquilizing patterns on her back, which made her her almost immediately calmer. Her breath was still coming out in pants but slowly found its normal rhythm again against the solid front of her best friend. She could feel Kara's heart was beating fast.

Her voice whispered into Lena's hair, "I am here now. I won't leave you again."

This was the closest to her Kara she had seen and felt. Almost identical but sadly only almost. It still was a different touch, her voice had a different urgency. It wasn't her Kara _but_ she was trying. And for the first time in a long time, Lena was okay with just that. She felt safe in those arms, even if they belonged to someone else. She was trying. They all were trying their best.

-

After that encounter, they didn't see each other again in private. As promised, Kara attended therapy sessions and then spent most of her free time at the DEO, mainly because they didn't want to risk anyone seeing her in National City. Alex and the others still had to come up with a plan on how to introduce Kara back to National City without overwhelming her. Lena didn't want to attend the regular DEO meetings with the Superfriends and Kara but she had to. Kara was back and she did promise to do everything in her power to help her. Not just with her lack of memories but everything, even if there was weird tension between them. She was her best friend, she wouldn't leave her even if it cost Lena her own sanity.

The Kryptonian tried on several occasions to reach out to her. Before and after meetings she lingered at her side, wanted to talk and often times would ask to meet outside those concrete walls but Lena kindly dodged the attempts. They were on better terms now but she they needed to take it slow. They talked at the DEO, spent a good amount of time alone, just talking and trying to spark memories. They would also eat lunch together but that's it. Outside the DEO Lena was still a ghost. No one saw her. The visits at her office or penthouse didn't become a regular thing. They stopped. Kara respected her distance.

That didn't mean though that she wasn't watching over her. Lena caught glimpses of the flying superhero when she would walk at night or leave at ungodly hours for work. She felt safe even without seeing her because she knew Kara was there. Somewhere. _Always._

Two weeks had passed and Kara had fully integrated herself in National City. It was not like anyone suspected Kara Danvers for being Supergirl anyways. Consequently, CatCo also found out about their star reporter returning after long six months of traveling the world. When Supergirl left earth, the DEO (disguised as FBI of course) made sure to inform Andrea that Kara Danvers was involved in a serious accident and would take medical leave as soon as possible. Papers were faked and Lena helped with the whole thing, convincing Andrea to not make a deal out of it. Now that the blonde was back, she was expected to get back to work and most importantly meet Andrea at her office. This was the next challenge that Kara had to overcome now. Lena and Kelly were supposed to guide her through it, James was even expected to visit for a few days and teach Kara about reporting before she got back to work. However, there was no progress with Kara's amnesia and Lena was growing more and more restless about it, all her research and experiments failed to succeed, which resulted in her spending even more time than she already did at L-Corp.

It was 2 in the morning and Lena hadn't felt this tired since forever. She left the building by foot, not trusting herself to drive in the state she was in. The scientist hadn't realized just how exhausted she was until she stepped outside and started walking in the cold night air. Her legs were shaky and she was freezing although protected by her warm coat. Her stomach was a mess, growling from hunger and pain. She stopped counting after her seventh coffee but she was sure she broke the ten cup mark before midnight. She felt like shit and looked worse. It was surprising no one had pointed it out already because they sure as hell all saw it. Only Alex had asked her to consider taking a few days off and offered that she didn't had to come to the DEO for their next meeting.

It was funny that Alex out of all people was subtle in the way she was telling Lena to give herself a break. Right now, she was debating whether she should take on the offer. Her body was screaming at her while her mind was completely empty. No thoughts. No anything. She just wanted to sleep. So much that she completely missed a car speeding through the streets with no flashlights on. It didn't see her soon enough to stop or swerve to the side. All she saw was a red vehicle that was about to send her body parts flying like bowling pins.

_Oh, Luthor, you survived all kinds of catastrophes and this is how you are going down? A car accident? Real_ _ly?_

She closed her eyes but the impact never came.

At least not the kind of hard hitting, crushing impact she was expecting. Instead, she was scooped bridal style in muscular arms and then she was off the ground. She didn't dare to open her eyes, she squeezed them tighter, gripping her arms around the neck of her savior. One hand was securely positioned under her pale tight (damn her for choosing to wear a skirt), the other was wrapped around Lena's back. That _touch_ , it only could have been one person. That tight, but not crushing pressure, that protective, never possessive grip. That strength that always was damped by Kara's softness.

Kara didn't speak. Her silence was deafening, which Lena still couldn't get used to. This Kara was not vocal, she never was. But her body was screaming. She was tense, incredibly tense. The arm around Lena's back moved slightly to press Lena's head firmer against the steel chest but she could feel that the hand that touched her head was shaking. She was too exhausted though, too shocked. Too tired. She drifted to sleep not before hearing the woman who saved her sniffling in the night air.

-

Lena woke up with the worst possible headache pounding at the back of her head. She opened her eyes but didn't even think about moving. Her still foggy eyes darted around the room. It wasn't completely dark anymore. Most of the night's gloominess was gone, she could clearly see where she was laying. It wasn't her house though. No, she was at Kara's apartment, in her bedroom. How did she get here or why? The sound of a racing car filled her ears then. Memories from earlier flashed before her eyes and she couldn't help the loud sigh that escaped her.

_"I am here now. I won't leave you again."_

Kara saved her life from certain death. Once again. Barely back to earth and she already was cleaning up after Lena's mess. It was weird how used she had grown to be fully independent after Kara had to leave earth and now, back the superhero was. Always a step ahead. Or well. a step behind to catch her whenever she was in danger.

Kara's protective nature became obvious to Lena since their early days as friends and it was something that really made her stood out. The Kryptonian was a passionate being that didn't think before throwing herself in harm's way for her people. And that protectiveness grew even stronger after Lena and her made up during the war against Lex and Leviathan. It was endearing of course just how much Kara cared for her but she wondered at times if it was only guilt that made her act like that. If she felt obligated to take care of Lena because of the way she hurt her. These thoughts would fly out of the window after especially difficult missions with the DEO. Lena used to work regularly with them. Back then, they really were an unstoppable team. Kara was always the first and last around Lena, checking her for any wounds, any concussions or even smudged make up. She would brush her fingers against skin where mascara would come off and wink at Lena when her pale cheeks suddenly heated up. The youngest Luthor would be lying if she said she didn't like the more than extra care and attention she got from her best friend. She loved it. More so because Kara happened to be a superhero and reporter with barely any time on her hands but still _always_ managed to be there for Lena. Alex used to joke about how nice it must feel to have a Kryptonian on her knees for the Luthor but Lena never saw it that way. In fact, it made her feel uneasy. No one should ever kneel for anyone, especially not a Luthor. Besides, Lena loved Kara for who she was and not for what she could do with her powers. _Kara_ was who made Lena feel safe, not Supergirl.

When she felt the muscular frame of her best friend wrap her in her arms and lift her up before the car got to her, she was instantly succumbed to the same peace she had felt back then. Thinking about it now, it was the most intimate thing they had shared after that hug at Lena's penthouse over two weeks ago.

How messed up it was of her to dream about theses things given the fact that she was almost killed a few hours ago. But when it came to Kara, all logic and rational thought left Lena. Always. She never openly confessed it but she would have killed her brother again if she had to. She would have killed him again for _her_. Lena would have done anything for Kara, truly anything and that thought scared her. If she had to let go of what they used to share in the past, if she had to bury her feelings so deep no one could ever reach them again, just so Kara could move on and find herself without her past memories, she would do it. In a heartbeat. She would do anything for Kara Zor-El.

Suddenly, the door burst open and flew right out of the door frame, resulting in Lena quite literally experiencing her heart stop for a moment. It was a miracle she hadn't fallen out of the bed.

"Lena are you okay?" Kara was at her side before she could even blink. She was kneeling on the ground, hands reaching out to cup her face. Her eyes were scanning her for wounds that weren't there. It all happened so fast, Lena wasn't fast enough to catch up and dear God did her head hurt. She scrunched her face in agony which only further fueled Kara's worry. 

"Hey, what's wrong? Talk to me please."

"M'fine. Don't worry," Lena mumbled. Kara's hands were so soft and warm...they were like pillows squishing her. It almost sent her back to sleep.

"I heard your heartbeat spike up while I was out grocery shopping. I thought something happened to you."

"Oh." Lena's cheeks flushed at the realization. Talk about being caught dreaming about your best friend's strong arms. She gently pulled at Kara's hands, "Help me up, please?"

Kara's eyes weren't leaving her, nor did she attempt to get up from her position. Lena almost felt bad for making her worry like that.

"I am fine, Kara. I was just startled when I woke up. I didn't know where I was and then I remembered what happened. My head just hurts a little bit."

The blonde exhaled a shaky breath and nodded.

"Okay."

Lena still didn't understand why Kara got so worked up about her. She remembered then the sniffling above her when she was being carried in the sky. She took a good look at the woman in front of her, her eyes were dull, bags were visible under them and she looked paler. Her Kryptonian complexion wasn't glowing as usual.

"Are _you_ okay?" Hands were still on hers and she only realized it when the grip on them tightened just lightly, she barely felt it. Her eyes darted downwards, seeing how big hands were protectively holding her own, shielding them. This all felt too familiar. Too fucking familiar.

"Now I am," came out in a whisper that sent shivers down her spine. Three simple words but the way they were spoken was so raw, Lena almost burst out crying. _Too familiar._

Too fucking familiar, goddammit. This was _her_ Kara. It couldn't be someone else. She couldn't believe it wasn't her. "Let's try standing, okay?" Lena nodded dumbfounded. Nothing made sense anymore.

She was gently raised, a hand instinctively wrapping around her side to steady her. Lena kept her head down down down and didn't let herself think about any of this. She pushed forward, carefully freeing herself from the woman pressed against her and tried her very best to walk towards the bathroom without turning into jelly and falling on her ass. Not that Kara would let that happen of course but she would most definitely prefer breaking her tailbone than being scooped up by sex on legs for a second time. Thankfully, she wasn't followed into the bathroom and she braced herself against the sink. Her head was still pounding pounding pounding and she didn't want to risk dying in the shower. She washed her face with cold water and spent a good minute just standing there.

Boxes. Little boxes.

Who was she kidding. It never worked. Not with Kara. She had tried, years ago she had tried to shove her feelings into a tiny box but she couldn't. It spilled right away and exploded before she had the time to do anything about it. So she stopped trying and prayed sweet, innocent Kara wouldn't notice.

-

Kara was in the kitchen when she came out. There were bags and bags of groceries on the kitchen counter, the blonde was bending down in front of her freezer and shoving multiple packages of frozen spinach inside. Lena stopped.

Kara _hated_ spinach.

"Hey, I hope you are feeling better. There's painkillers and a glass of water on the counter for you," she said with her body still turned away from the Luthor. Upon closer inspection, there were more veggies inside those bags. Kara was smiling at her when she was standing upright again.

"Uh, yeah. Thank you. I will take one, the headache hasn't gotten much better."

"Do you need something? I can bring you whatever you need. Or do you want me to call Alex-"

"-no Kara it's fine. I just need a bit of rest. Thank you for your concern though. And for saving my life. Honestly. Thank you for everything." By everything she really meant everything. The blonde knew she _knew_ about the patrols around L-Corp and her house. She nodded and continued emptying the bags.

There was so much green...

And was it just her mind playing tricks or did Kara talk differently?

"You must eat something. I brought you a sandwich and a kale smoothie. Just the way you like them."

Lena froze. The glass slipped from her hand and crashed down on the ground. Her feet instantly wet from the water. For all she knew it could have been her own blood but she didn't care at that moment. What the fuck did she just _hear_?

"Lena!? What- don't move! I got this." With superspeed, the ground was cleaned in a second, no traces of glass or water left. Thankfully, nothing had cut Lena and she was only scarred with wet socks. Kara was standing right in front of her, her hands automatically grasping Lena at her elbows and pulling her just a little bit closer.

"Mind telling me what happened there?"

"I..." Lena took a shaky breath. This could not be real. It probably was a _coincidence_. Kara didn't remember, how could she? Then _why_ was she looking at her like that? Why was she touching her like that. Why was she talking like that. It couldn't be. This was her Kara. It couldn't be.

"Kara. How do you know what I like to eat and drink?"

Kara scoffed amused. "We've had lunch together for yea-" she stopped herself. Her eyes widened.

Lena had not once told her what she liked to eat ever since Kara came back to earth. What they ate together at the DEO was whatever the facility itself offered them. She never went out to get lunch and definitely did not tell Kara that she liked Kale smoothies. _So yeah..._

Realization started to set in, Kara was thinking thinking thinking. Her brows were knitted so tightly, Lena was worried it would leave a permanent mark.

"Earlier when I rescued you...I think it triggered something in me. It's still all so blurry, I don't remember everything, but I-I can feel that something similar has happened in the past. I _felt_ the same agony, pain. It must have awakened something in my mind."

Oh how many times Kara had saved her...

No amount of thank yous could ever really be enough. Kara was always there for her. Even on bad terms she made sure to keep her safe. Lena could fling herself off the balcony at 4am and Kara would be there to catch her. It was one of the things she realized too late. Even though she lied to Lena about her identity for years, she was always _loyal_. So fucking loyal that it didn't even make sense. Why would she put her hand in the fire for her? It was something that Alex also never understood and the Luthor knew about this displeasure because Alex never hid her opinions. Looking at Kara now, her eyes held that fierce loyalty. It was like fire, but comforting. It protected her, kept her warm and safe. She was so passionate in the things she loved. It was everything or nothing. Her love for Lena was so intense it brought tears to Kara's eyes. She could see the glassy shell no matter how much Kara tried to cover it up. Lena couldn't look away from her. She was selfish, yes, but she couldn't look away. She needed to take it all in, to let Kara breathe life into her again.

"Is that why you were crying?"

"I can't bear the thought of losing you, Lena." She stepped closer and pulled Lena gently until they were nose to nose. She was desperate now, at the verge of breaking down but Lena was there. She would catch her, she would always catch her like Supergirl did for her. "I-I can't," she repeated. Lena almost thought the blonde was about to kiss her, but she came close enough to wrap her in a tight hug. She squeezed tighter. "I can't."

Lena was overtaken by a wave of yearning that was so powerful, it made her lightheaded. It felt _right._ She allowed herself to feel it. To take it all in. "Oh, darling. It's okay. I am not going anywhere."

It did made sense now. The things she noticed were not coincidences but actual signs.

Her hand was stroking Kara's back, as she mumbled into the firm shoulder,"You've been subconsciously falling back to your old self and memories. I noticed a change in the way you talked and acted around me when I woke up but I didn't pay mind to it, I thought you were just trying to blend in."

She felt Kara's head shift next to her and then felt the tingling sensation of a kiss on her head. "I had no idea. I didn't realize it. All I know is that when I heard you were in danger, I lost it. I was ready to fry this man's ass for not watching out. And then I don't _know._ Having you in my arms, in my apartment it gave me such peace. I hadn't felt that before. Or well, I did, just not when I lost my memories." Lena further nuzzled herself into Kara, not caring at all if she was crossing boundaries. But she couldnt't ignore the guilt she felt all this time. It was multiplying itself now more than ever. She was a horrible person and an even worse friend.

"I am so sorry for pushing you away. I am. I am sorry, I have no exc-" Kara cupped her face in her hands and shook her head.

"You didn't. You were hurting and that's okay. Your thoughts were always with me, it's more than I could have asked for. I am sorry. I promised I would never allow anyone to hurt you again and here I was, doing just that."

"Kara, please. You could never hurt me. _Never._ You have no idea how much I missed you." They were both freely crying now. With foreheads pressed against each other, they just let it all come out. It was cathartic and also a unifying experiences at the same time.

"Rao, I love you so much. _So_ _so_ much."

"We'll work through this okay? It's only a matter of time until everything falls back to place."

"It's fine. I remember you, I remember how I _feel_ for you. That's all that matters to me right now."

-

Things were not immediately back to how they used to be. Kara's memories were coming back with each passing day but it was not all at once. Gradually she could remember names, places, events but there was still many things that weren't clear. There was no telling when Kara would restore all memories but everyone was more than hopeful. She was making progress and the more she remembered, the more she morphed into the Kara everyone knew. That didn't mean though she lost traits she had picked up in her six months of staying at Mogo. Her confidence remained, just like her overall more calm demeanor. She had less tendencies to get head first into conflicts or situations and seemed to be less prone to anger. It appeared that in a weird way, her amnesia helped her to cope with the unresolved issues from the past. Of course only time would tell in how far that was true. After all, Kara still did not remember everything.

Initially, when Lena and Kara flew to the DEO and gathered their friends to tell the news, Alex almost fainted. Words couldn't describe how touching it was to see the Danvers sisters hug each other again. Tears were painting the floor and Kara accidentally put a bit too much pressure into their hug, which resulted in the redhead smacking Kara in a playful way. Not that Kara could feel it anyways but it didn't matter. Without warning, Lena was pulled into the hug as well and eventually Brainy, Kelly, Nia and J'onn joined them, squishing the Luthor further into the middle. She barely could breathe but didn't care. It was the happiest moment in a long time. Maybe even one of her most favorite ones.

_Stronger together._

Everyone had their scars, some of them would take longer to heal than others but they were family. All of them.

They had a bbq in J'onn's _"top secret"_ apartment balcony a few days later. It went as expected, completely messy with too much alcohol, food and board games and it was safe to say his secret hide out was not much of a secret hide out anymore. Alex and Kara tirelessly arguing over whose team had more points was a well known tradition in their long history of game nights, and it was good to see that it was still kept alive after all these years. Much to Kara's displeasure, Kelly and Alex beat everyone.

Their little gathering went on well into the night and continued indoors although it was clear how exhausted everyone was after yelling and playing all day long. Apparently now it had turned it into a Star Wars movie marathon. While Lena didn't get to interact that much with Kara the whole day, the blonde always managed to steal glances at her and seeked her closeness. She would put her arm around the smaller woman whenever she got the chance to or put her hand on a pale thigh, caressing it gently for what felt like hours. But that was not all. The blonde went so far as to pull Brainy away from where he was sitting next to Lena, just so she could get the place for herself and watch the movies by her side. It earned her a well deserved teasing fit from Alex and Nia but no amount of blushing could bring her down. As soon as the Kryptonian felt her best friend lean her head against her shoulder, it was all long forgotten and she didn't move _once_ throughout the whole first movie. After months and months of no physical intimacy whatsoever, receiving this mass of affection was doing many _things_ to Lena and Kara didn't miss the chance to pull her closer when she would catch glimpse of her blushing face.

At one point Lena had to excuse herself to go to the bathroom. After drinking glass after glass of water (yes, can you believe that?), her bladder was about to explode. But the thirst was real and her desire to pull Kara inside a room and kiss her senseless was bigger, so she had to distract herself with _something_. What she didn't know was the blonde got up soon after her and decided to wait outside the bathroom until she exited. Lena lost her ability to speak when she was met with a shy, _flushed_ Kara leaning against the hallway wall. "Come with me?"

"Where?"

"You'll see once we are there."

"Are we going out?"

"Kind of. But not like _out_ _out_. Just out."

What does that even mean? Lena snorted at her best friend's attempt to sound cryptic, " _Kara._ "

"Pleaseee. Just come with me. It'll be nice I promise," she begged. And of course Lena would go anywhere with her because fuck, how could she ever not want to be around Kara? The youngest Luthor followed the Kryptonian to the front door where she haltered them with a raise of her brow.

"Darling, you are not taking us to Dublin again, are you? Because the cold I caught last time took me out for a whole week," she whispered. Truthfully, she had a weak immune system and flying definitely wasn't helping her case. Every time Kara took her somewhere outside of National City, she always ended up either nauseous or with fever. But Kara met Lena's hesitation with a toothy grin and simply mouthed _rooftop_.

Oh.

She blushed under Kara's tender gaze. Was it okay to assume this was not platonic at all? Because Lena really fucking wanted to believe it was a romantic gesture to steal your best friend away from a party just to keep them for yourself on the freaking rooftop. She glanced at her friends in the living room and saw that all of them were fully engrossed in watching the movie except for Alex who observed them with a smug smirk, wordlessly telling them to go.

Kara's warm hand took hers and guided them outside the apartment, through the staircase one floor up, and then they used the emergency exit to step into the open. It was colder up there, the chilly breeze instantly hitting Lena. Before she could bring her goosebump filled arms around herself, Kara took off her sweater and offered it to her, "Here wear this." Lena wanted to protest at the cheesy gesture but knew that Kara was fully resistant to cold, so might as well swallow her pride and avoid _hypothermia_.

"Thank you," she shyly said. Kara was now left in a plain white tee that did _wonders_ to her muscular arms. Even in the dark no one could possibly miss how defined and strong they looked. Knowing how it actually felt like to be hugged and carried by them was a special bonus that always had Lena blush furiously. It really was not fair being _this_ attractive. Sometimes she honestly wondered if that was the sole reason for her brother's hatred towards Kryptonians. Everything about their bodies was so painfully perfect. Even their _hair_.

Lena put the sweater over her head and was hit by a wave of that sweet (no more woody) Kryptonian scent she loved and had missed so much. Just wearing Kara's clothes made her feel a hundred times safer. When she was ready, open arms were waiting for her. Not for a hug though. It was a Supergirl gesture she used when she wanted Lena to hold on to her.

"I thought you said rooftop," she softly stated.

"Yes. Just one more thing." Kara motioned at something behind Lena and she followed her line of sight. That's when the Luthor finally understood: Kara wanted to float them to the top of the bulkhead. Talk about being _romantic._

She waved again in a _come here_ motion and Lena, completely dazed, gave in at last because you just did these things without question. "Um, okay...how do we do this?"

The way Kara looked at her in that moment was nothing short of _hot_. Her sapphire eyes were dangerously staring into green ones like they were thinking of things Kara shouldn't be thinking about and it made Lena's core flush with heat. She had never seen Kara look at her like that before. "Wrap your hands around my neck."

They had done this a million times and yet Lena felt incredibly shy out of sudden. Something about the air around them felt unfamiliar and _exciting_. She slowly did as told, feeling Kara's broad hands on her hips. They caressed her skin through the blue sweater and moved all the way until they securely wrapped themselves _behind_ Lena. There was no reason for Kara to touch her like that but _again,_ she didn't question it. If this turned out to be just a dream, then it was a fucking _amazing_ dream because the hot trail left on her body spoke for itself. She _wanted_ it.

She couldn't tear her eyes away from Kara, nor did the blonde look away. In this proximity, she could swear her best friend's eyes were dilated. Only after their feet slowly left the ground blue eyes finally drifted to the scenery behind them in order to navigate them up safely. They were _so so_ close. Lena could feel Kara's light breath tickling against her cheek and it took all of her willpower to not turn her head just _slightly_ and kiss her. Her body was on fire by the time they landed on the bulkhead.

As it that was not enough, Kara didn't let her out of her embrace once they landed on solid ground again. The Kryptonian kept her _there_ , her steely arms not moving a muscle.

"Everything alright? You're not dizzy or anything, right?" Kara murmured softly.

"N-no. No I'm fine. Thank you." She didn't miss how Kara's eyes darted to her lips...

Cold air hit Lena's back then and she realized that arms were no longer around her.

They sat next to each other at the edge of the bulkhead and Kara propped her arms up behind her, staring into the sky. The stars were brightly shining in the clear night and Lena found herself mirroring Kara's position. They stayed like this for awhile, just taking in each other's company in silence and stargazing. It was beautiful. Lena often times caught herself wondering what it would be like to live on a different planet. How different was it to earth? Would she have had gone through the same things she did here? Met the same people and bonded with them?

It must have been a year ago, but she remembered clearly that one night they were both at Lena's penthouse, staring into the city from her balcony. Lena had asked Kara if she ever thought about how different her life would have been if Krypton was still alive. They spent hours talking about her childhood, how she overcame the homesickness and loneliness she felt since her childhood and why she would choose Earth now, if she had the chance to return to Krypton. " _You and the others are my family now. No one can take me away from you_ ," she had said.

The last part was something Kara almost religiously told her. At the beginning Lena used to believe her friend simply did that to calm her down. Back then her insecurities were much stronger than now and at any given moment the Luthor would expect Kara to abandon her like everyone else always did but she slowly came to realize that it never was about just making her feel safe. It went deeper than that. At the bridge of no return, when Lena allowed the hurt to turn her into something she was never meant to be, Kara was _still_ there, _still_ not letting her go.

" _No one can take me away from you,"_ was a promise. A reminder that truly, the Krytonian could not leave her even if she _wanted_ to. Lena understood this when she herself finally realized that nothing could make her love Kara any less.

"What do you know about quantum entanglement?" Her body was now turned to Lena, she was smirking at her knowingly.

"You remember."

"I never forgot."

Lena's eyes lit up. When she had first mentioned the concept of quantum entanglement, she never imagined Kara would pay much attention to it or read between the _lines_. Admittedly, Lena believed they were meant to find each other since day on. Even as newly found friends, she knew their connection was different. That were was something almost ancient between them, which pulled them to each other and kept them there, _together_ no matter the odds. After everything they went through over the course of the next few yeats, that belief only further strengthened itself. So hearing Kara talk about that it now, made her think about a million things. Could it be? Did Kara feel the same pull as strongly as she did?

The blonde continued, "You and I, we always find back to each other, don't we? Nothing in the whole universe could ever separate me from you. Not even a mind with no memories." Her hand grasped Lena's and laced them together. "It took me a long time to realize it although it was always right _there_ in front of me. I really cannot live without you, Lena."

That _pull_. It was pulling pulling pulling them together stronger than ever in that moment.

So Lena kissed her.

There were no words that could possibly explain the way she felt for her. She needed to _show_ it. And Kara kissed her back.

It wasn't careful, nor did it test the waters. No. Their lips met in a powerful embrace that knocked the air right out of both of them. Even while sitting, Lena felt like she was about to fall, the tingling sensation overtook her whole body and she clinged onto Kara desperately. Kara's lips were so warm, so _hot_ and welcoming against her own. It was impossible to not get intoxicated by them immediately. Everything around them faded away. Lena didn't remember where she was or what time it was. It was like absolutely nothing existed except Kara and her in this moment. Big hands cupped her face, pulling her so fucking closer Lena almost moaned right into her. Encouraged by the wetness that linked their mouths together, she dared to slip her tongue into Kara's parted lips that took her greedily in. Their tongues danced in sync, stroking each other sensually. It was no battle, no one was trying to dominate the other but instead tried to savor as much as possible. It was so overwhelming and intense, the need for oxygen left Lena lightheaded but she didn't care. She _couldn't_ stop kissing her soulmate.

They did this for what felt like hours. Kissing, biting, licking. They did this until Lena's lungs were screaming at her and they had to pull away from each other. Their faces remained close. They couldn't abandon this closeness now that they had experienced _this_. Everything made sense now. All of it. It was like her life flashed by her eyes until it reached this exact moment. Them together.

And despite the adrenaline pumping in her system she felt so fucking peaceful. Kara must have felt it too. Her eyes were half closed and dazed. She was out of _breath_.

"Hi," the blonde hoarsely whispered out, and they laughed. Leave it to Kara to kiss you _senseless_ and then do this. Nothing about it was awkward though. If anything, it was soothing to hear her voice like this. I reminded Lena that she wasn't the only one affected by their kiss. They both were still trying to come down from their high.

So they stayed like this for awhile. Just gazing into each other's eyes. Kara's hands were still holding her face, stroking the skin underneath them.

It wasn't bravery that overtook Lena then but _freedom_. She felt like weight was lifted off from her and she could finally breathe without restriction, with no pressure. Words just came out, it felt natural to say them out loud, "You know, my biggest regret was that I never got to tell you how I felt about you. I waited too long, I had so many years to find the courage and admit to you what I was too scared to admit, yet I always backed out. But it didn't make sense...how could I be so afraid when it was _you,_ my sweet, loving Kara. Why was I scared to confess my feelings to the one person that always loved me no matter what?"

She took a breath and brought her hand up to place it over Kara's that was still cupping her face.

"The truth is, just as you were scared to tell me about your identity because you were scared of losing me, I didn't tell you about how I felt because the thought of losing you drove me insane. And then you were _still_ taken away from me. You left and I didn't exist anymore. I was hollow. You took my heart and soul with you to Mogo because I am _so_ in love with you, Kara Zor-El. I always was."

The brightest, most genuine grin Lena had ever seen broke out on her best friend's face. Even in the darkness of the night she could still see it clearly. She had never seen something more beautiful in her life.

The hand that was underneath her own let go off Lena's cheek and brought it to Kara's lips to kiss it gently.

"And I am in love with you, Lena Luthor."

"You are with me, right?"

"Always."


End file.
